{"id":282,"date":"2017-09-04T21:13:45","date_gmt":"2017-09-04T18:13:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/?p=282"},"modified":"2020-07-04T23:29:39","modified_gmt":"2020-07-04T20:29:39","slug":"gurbuz-sikinti-uzerine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2017\/09\/04\/gurbuz-sikinti-uzerine\/","title":{"rendered":"G\u00fcrb\u00fcz, S\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 \u00dczerine"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"283\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2017\/09\/04\/gurbuz-sikinti-uzerine\/oyle-miymis-sule-gurbuz\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/oyle-miymis-sule-gurbuz.jpg?fit=594%2C900&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"594,900\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"oyle miymis &amp;#8211; sule gurbuz\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/oyle-miymis-sule-gurbuz.jpg?fit=594%2C900&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-283 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/oyle-miymis-sule-gurbuz.jpg?resize=198%2C300\" alt=\"\" width=\"198\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/oyle-miymis-sule-gurbuz.jpg?resize=198%2C300&amp;ssl=1 198w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/oyle-miymis-sule-gurbuz.jpg?w=594&amp;ssl=1 594w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 198px) 100vw, 198px\" \/>&#8220;\u00c7ocuklu\u011fumda s\u0131k\u0131l\u0131r, s\u0131k\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131m. Yeti\u015fme \u00e7a\u011f\u0131mda biraz daha ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc s\u0131k\u0131lmaya, bazen s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131mdan utanmaya, bazen de s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131mdan gururlanmaya ba\u015flad\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc \u00f6nceden s\u0131k\u0131lan bir bendim buna sebep s\u0131k\u0131lmak utan\u0131lacak bir \u015feydi. Sonra s\u0131k\u0131lanlarda bir hava ve ba\u015fkal\u0131k oldu\u011funu g\u00f6recek kadar etrafa a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131nca bunu ben de bir e\u015farp gibi, \u015fapka gibi takt\u0131m. Be\u011fenmesem de, varl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan rahats\u0131z olsam da, zevksiz ve a\u011f\u0131r duysam da takt\u0131m. Sonra, i\u015fte sonra s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131ndan s\u0131k\u0131lan aksesuar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131, ne rahatsa onu giydi, ne makbulse onu takt\u0131. Ben \u015fapkan\u0131n kafam, e\u015farb\u0131n boynum oldu\u011funu o zaman anlad\u0131m. Her zaman i\u015fte b\u00f6yle aptald\u0131m.<\/p>\n<p>Kendimi kabullenmekte zorlanmad\u0131m ama ba\u015fka da hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi, hi\u00e7 kimseyi kabullenemedim. Ba\u015fka bir \u015feye ait en ufak kabul\u00fcm kendi reddim olacakt\u0131. Hesab\u0131 buna devirmedim. Kendimi de hesaplamad\u0131m. S\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131m\u0131 engin ve derin zannederdim. Bir zaman sonra bakt\u0131m ki s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131m d\u00fcnyay\u0131 ku\u015fatacak ve ba\u015fka herkesi de s\u0131kacak geni\u015flikte de\u011fil. D\u00fcnya o zaman ba\u015f\u0131ma y\u0131k\u0131ld\u0131. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc baz\u0131 ba\u015fka s\u0131k\u0131lanlar\u0131n s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131 ve bunu dile getiri\u015fleri benim s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131m\u0131 tan\u0131ml\u0131yor onu anlaml\u0131 ve \u00f6nemli hale getiriyordu. O zaman benimkinin s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131dan \u00e7ok bir darl\u0131k, benim h\u00e2limin de bu darl\u0131kta s\u0131k\u0131\u015fma oldu\u011funu anlad\u0131m. D\u00fcnya diye dar bir yere girdi\u011fimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Bunu anlamak beni o kadar daraltt\u0131 ki bu darl\u0131kta art\u0131k ne bedenim ne varsa ruhum soluk al\u0131p k\u0131p\u0131rdayacak bir yer bulamad\u0131. Soluksuz kald\u0131m. Kendime uzun uzun bakt\u0131m. Ba\u015fkalar\u0131na uzun uzun bakt\u0131m. Uzun uzad\u0131ya bakacak uzunlukta ve geni\u015flikte fazla bir \u015fey olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015fayanlar\u0131n ve ya\u015faman\u0131n ince uzun dar bir \u00e7izgide arkaya zor d\u00f6n\u00fcl\u00fcr ve g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcr bir darl\u0131kta s\u0131k\u0131\u015fmak ve g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fckle ve tek y\u00f6ne iradesiz ve ama\u00e7s\u0131z bir s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fc\u015f oldu\u011funu iyice anlad\u0131m. Kimse ba\u015fka bir \u015fey s\u00f6ylemesin. S\u00f6yleyemeyece\u011finden de\u011fil; dinlemeyece\u011fimden.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>\u015eule G\u00fcrb\u00fcz, \u00d6yle Miymi\u015f, \u0130leti\u015fim Yay\u0131nlar\u0131, 2016, s. 50-1.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;\u00c7ocuklu\u011fumda s\u0131k\u0131l\u0131r, s\u0131k\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131m. Yeti\u015fme \u00e7a\u011f\u0131mda biraz daha ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc s\u0131k\u0131lmaya, bazen s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131mdan utanmaya, bazen de s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131mdan gururlanmaya ba\u015flad\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc \u00f6nceden s\u0131k\u0131lan bir bendim buna sebep s\u0131k\u0131lmak utan\u0131lacak bir \u015feydi. Sonra s\u0131k\u0131lanlarda bir hava ve ba\u015fkal\u0131k oldu\u011funu g\u00f6recek kadar etrafa a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131nca bunu ben de bir e\u015farp gibi, \u015fapka gibi takt\u0131m. Be\u011fenmesem de, varl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan rahats\u0131z olsam da, &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2017\/09\/04\/gurbuz-sikinti-uzerine\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">G\u00fcrb\u00fcz, S\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 \u00dczerine<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[33,8],"tags":[77,78,68],"class_list":["post-282","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-alinti","category-roman","tag-oyle-miymis","tag-sikinti","tag-sule-gurbuz"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9WYIs-4y","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":530,"url":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2017\/11\/19\/gurbuz-sikinti-gezinti-uzerine\/","url_meta":{"origin":282,"position":0},"title":"G\u00fcrb\u00fcz, S\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 ve Gezinti \u00dczerine","author":"yalpertem","date":"19 November 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Vakit ge\u00e7irmek \u00e7ok zor de\u011fil. Bazen bir ta\u015f midemi ayr\u0131, ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 ayr\u0131, t\u00fcm varl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 ayr\u0131 eziyor olur, o ta\u015f\u0131 daha uzaktan bana do\u011fru yuvarlan\u0131\u015f\u0131ndan, daha g\u00fcn i\u00e7inde bana do\u011fru yol al\u0131\u015f\u0131ndan tan\u0131r\u0131m, kuvvetini bilirim. Ama yerimi de\u011fi\u015ftirsem de, bir yerlere ka\u00e7sam da beni bulaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilirim. Son yirmi-yirmi be\u015f senedir onu\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;al\u0131nt\u0131&quot;","block_context":{"text":"al\u0131nt\u0131","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/category\/alinti\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/zamanin-farkinda-sule-gurbuz-199x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":259,"url":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2017\/09\/03\/gurbuz-kendini-anlatan-birisi\/","url_meta":{"origin":282,"position":1},"title":"G\u00fcrb\u00fcz, Kendini Anlatan Birisi","author":"yalpertem","date":"3 September 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Ben \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m yere, gezip g\u00f6rd\u00fckten sonra girmek ve giderek k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclerek orada kalmak, bitmek istiyorum. Ne yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m sorulursa, olur ya, sadece bekliyorum. Bazen \u00dcsk\u00fcdar'a y\u00fcr\u00fcrken g\u00f6zlerim sanki \u00e7ok ac\u0131l\u0131 ve a\u011flamakl\u0131 bir geceden \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f\u0131m gibi k\u0131rp\u0131\u015farak, adeta tutu\u015farak yan\u0131yor. Etraf\u0131ma, gelen ge\u00e7ene bakmak istiyor, bakam\u0131yorum. G\u00f6zlerim k\u0131rp\u0131\u015f\u0131yor. Bal\u0131klar, marullar, k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 so\u011fanlar,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;al\u0131nt\u0131&quot;","block_context":{"text":"al\u0131nt\u0131","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/category\/alinti\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/coskuyla-olmek-sule-gurbuz-199x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":810,"url":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2018\/01\/06\/gurbuz-yasami-gozlemlemek\/","url_meta":{"origin":282,"position":2},"title":"G\u00fcrb\u00fcz, Ya\u015fam\u0131 G\u00f6zlemlemek","author":"yalpertem","date":"6 January 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Sanki oldum olas\u0131 bir b\u00fcy\u00fck oday\u0131 ar\u015f\u0131nl\u0131yor; ara s\u0131ra elimi muma uzat\u0131p yak\u0131yor, ve hayk\u0131r\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131 hep sonraya sakl\u0131yorum. \"Dur!\" denilen yeri de, ya\u015famak \u00fczere erteleye erteleye t\u00fcketiyorum. Beklerken beklemedi\u011fimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp kahkahalar at\u0131yor; bu arada elimi duvarlara, cama, burnuma, kalemlere... s\u00fcr\u00fcyorum. Kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7al\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duyar gibi oluyor; ne a\u00e7\u0131yor ne de kap\u0131yorum.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;al\u0131nt\u0131&quot;","block_context":{"text":"al\u0131nt\u0131","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/category\/alinti\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/sule-gurbuz-kambur-198x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2525,"url":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2019\/03\/17\/gurbuz-bastonla-bekleyis\/","url_meta":{"origin":282,"position":3},"title":"G\u00fcrb\u00fcz, Bastonla Bekleyi\u015f","author":"yalpertem","date":"17 March 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"\u015eule G\u00fcrb\u00fcz bu blog'da metinlerinden kesip yerle\u015ftirdi\u011fim pasajlarla kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fsa kahrolur herhalde, di\u011fer pek \u00e7ok yazar gibi, ama biraz daha fazla belki. Ne yaz\u0131k ki biz t\u00fcketiciler, k\u00fclt\u00fcrel metinleri kendimize yo\u011furuyor, onlardan ba\u015fka bir \u015feyler yapmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yoruz, ad\u0131m\u0131za jurnal bile a\u00e7m\u0131\u015f akademisyenler. \"Kitaplarda okuduklar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 unutuyorsak h\u00e2l\u00e2 neden okumal\u0131y\u0131z?\" sorusuna benim pek\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;al\u0131nt\u0131&quot;","block_context":{"text":"al\u0131nt\u0131","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/category\/alinti\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/%C5%9Fule-g%C3%BCrb%C3%BCz-ne-ya%C5%9Ftad%C4%B1r-ne-ba%C5%9Fta-ak%C4%B1l-yoktur.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":493,"url":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2017\/11\/15\/gurbuz-durgunluk-ve-keder-uzerine\/","url_meta":{"origin":282,"position":4},"title":"G\u00fcrb\u00fcz, Durgunluk ve Keder \u00dczerine","author":"yalpertem","date":"15 November 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Babam gen\u00e7li\u011finde ve \u00f6\u011frencilik y\u0131llar\u0131nda, kendi tabiri ile \"Hayat onun i\u00e7ine damlarken\", bu damlay\u0131\u015fta yine kendi tabiri ile \"pasl\u0131 bir tat\" bulmu\u015f. B\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar\u0131 nas\u0131l bulmu\u015f bilemiyorum. Babam\u0131n ya\u015f\u0131na ben de geldim, gezdi\u011fi \u00fclkeleri ben de gezdim ama onun g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc ve bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve o hep s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc etti\u011fi pas izini g\u00f6remedim.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;al\u0131nt\u0131&quot;","block_context":{"text":"al\u0131nt\u0131","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/category\/alinti\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/coskuyla-olmek-sule-gurbuz-199x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":267,"url":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2017\/09\/03\/handke-konusmak-yazismak-ve-muhabbet\/","url_meta":{"origin":282,"position":5},"title":"Handke, Konu\u015fmak, Yaz\u0131\u015fmak ve Muhabbet","author":"yalpertem","date":"3 September 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Parlak bir \u00f6\u011flen vaktiydi. Terasta kad\u0131n ve Franziska, iki sallanan sandalyede, iyice \u00f6rt\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f olarak yan yana oturmu\u015flar, kurumu\u015f noel a\u011fac\u0131n\u0131 k\u0131r\u0131p ate\u015f yakan \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 seyrediyorlard\u0131. Bir s\u00fcre sonra Franziska, \"Kap\u0131ya kadar gelip i\u00e7eri girememi\u015f olman\u0131 anl\u0131yorum\" dedi. \"Bazen ben de, sakin evimden \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p birileriyle bulu\u015fmaya giderken, kalabal\u0131k i\u00e7inde bulunmak istemedi\u011fim\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;al\u0131nt\u0131&quot;","block_context":{"text":"al\u0131nt\u0131","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/category\/alinti\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/solak-kadin-peter-handke-187x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/282","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=282"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/282\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3681,"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/282\/revisions\/3681"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=282"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=282"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=282"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}