{"id":2440,"date":"2018-12-22T12:48:08","date_gmt":"2018-12-22T09:48:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/?p=2440"},"modified":"2018-12-22T12:48:17","modified_gmt":"2018-12-22T09:48:17","slug":"ceyran-kitaplar-ve-bitlerle-hayatta-kalmak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2018\/12\/22\/ceyran-kitaplar-ve-bitlerle-hayatta-kalmak\/","title":{"rendered":"Ceyran, Kitaplar ve Bitlerle Hayatta Kalmak"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
Mehtap Ceyran’\u0131n Mevsim Yas roman\u0131nda ge\u00e7mi\u015ften g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcze akan, \u015fimdilerde yer yer \u015fekil ve \u015fiddet de\u011fi\u015ftirse de ba\u015fkala\u015farak s\u00fcregiden pek \u00e7ok ac\u0131 var. Hem bu ac\u0131lara sebep olan olaylara hem de ac\u0131lar\u0131n deneyimlenme bi\u00e7imlerine dair de bir o kadar tasvir var. \u00dcrpertici bir varl\u0131k bu roman\u0131n hik\u00e2yesi. Kendini hat\u0131rlatacak herhalde uzun y\u0131llar, birka\u00e7 dilde birden…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Romandan bir par\u00e7ay\u0131 buraya hat\u0131rat niyetine ta\u015f\u0131mak isteyince k\u0131v\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m sayfalar\u0131 tarad\u0131m, kitaplarla ilgili -birka\u00e7 pasajdan birisi- olan- ve ki\u015finin korumay\u0131 ba\u015farabildi\u011fi \u00f6zel alan\u0131na dair olan bu b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc almak istedim. Ermeni gelin anneannenin, Fesla’n\u0131n \u015feytan tasviri babas\u0131n\u0131n ve yapt\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131n, Taha’n\u0131n ya da bir\u00e7ok ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n ya\u015fanamayan a\u015fk\u0131n\u0131n, Sait’in o\u011flunun kemiklerine yolculu\u011funun, Zehra’n\u0131n ya da yan karakterlerin bitmek bilmez bunal\u0131m\u0131n\u0131n, toplu mezarlar\u0131n, katliamlar\u0131n, fail-i me\u00e7hullerin, her t\u00fcr \u015fiddetin, sonsuz kasvetin, umutsuzlu\u011fa s\u00f6nd\u00fcr\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f izmaritlerin vb. yerine bu pasaj, ileride okurken daha iyi gelir ruha diye umdum. \u00c7\u0131k\u0131\u015fs\u0131z romanda \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f bulabilir miyim diye merakland\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Okulda ders d\u0131\u015f\u0131ndaki b\u00fct\u00fcn zamanlar\u0131m\u0131 k\u00fct\u00fcphanede ge\u00e7irir olmu\u015ftum. O g\u00fcn eskimi\u015f, yapraklar\u0131n\u0131n u\u00e7lar\u0131 k\u0131vr\u0131l\u0131p \u00e7atlam\u0131\u015f bir kitap buldum. Bu da di\u011ferleri gibi k\u00fct\u00fcphaneye ba\u011f\u0131\u015flanm\u0131\u015f olmal\u0131yd\u0131. Ellerim titreyerek kitab\u0131 ald\u0131m. Medet \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fclmeden k\u0131sa bir s\u00fcre \u00f6nce, bu kitab\u0131 bana vermi\u015f, “Sakla, zaman\u0131 geldi\u011finde okursun,” demi\u015fti. Babam o gece kitab\u0131 bulmu\u015f, ablam\u0131n sanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ablam\u0131 mutfak kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n arkas\u0131nda bekletti\u011fi sopas\u0131yla \u00f6ld\u00fcresiye d\u00f6vm\u00fc\u015f, kitab\u0131 y\u0131rt\u0131p atm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bir an ablam\u0131n beyaz y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc, siyah sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131, her zaman dalg\u0131n bakan g\u00f6zlerini hat\u0131rlad\u0131m. Senelerdir \u015fehir k\u00fct\u00fcphanesinde aray\u0131p da bulamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kitab\u0131, yat\u0131l\u0131 okulun k\u00fct\u00fcphanesinin raflar\u0131ndan birinde bulmu\u015ftum: K\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131\u00a0Pazartesi<\/em>. Herkesin \u00f6nceden i\u015flenece\u011fini bildi\u011fi bir cinayetin hik\u00e2yesi! Medet bu hik\u00e2yeyi kendi hik\u00e2yesine benzetmi\u015f olmal\u0131yd\u0131. Kitab\u0131 al\u0131p yatakhaneye kapand\u0131m. O g\u00fcn ak\u015fam yeme\u011fine inmedim. Kitab\u0131 bitirdi\u011fimde ilk sayfas\u0131n\u0131 y\u0131rt\u0131p yedim. Bir s\u00fcredir dokunmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bit \u015fi\u015feme tekrar sar\u0131ld\u0131m. \u015ei\u015fenin i\u00e7indeki \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f bitlere bakarak saatlerce say\u0131klad\u0131m. Gece ge\u00e7 bir saatte s\u00fcr\u00fcnerek ranzam\u0131n alt\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. Yal\u0131nayak, parmaklar\u0131m\u0131n ucuna basarak tuvalete y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fcm. G\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fc yapmadan kap\u0131y\u0131 kapat\u0131p s\u00fcrg\u00fcy\u00fc \u00e7ektim. Ne kadar zaman ge\u00e7mi\u015fti, ne kadar s\u00fcredir yaz\u0131yordum fark\u0131nda de\u011fildim. \u00c7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, tuvaletin bir duvar\u0131n\u0131n neredeyse tamam\u0131n\u0131 doldurmu\u015ftum. Yatakhaneye d\u00f6nd\u00fcm, ranzam\u0131n alt\u0131na girdim. Gece bitmek bilmiyordu. Bit \u015fi\u015felerimi incelemeye ba\u015flad\u0131m. Birer par\u00e7a kanl\u0131 \u00e7amura d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015flerdi. Yeni bitler edinmeye karar verdim. Sabah g\u00fcne\u015f do\u011far do\u011fmaz ranzan\u0131n alt\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. Bir iki g\u00fcn \u00f6nce \u00f6n\u00fcmdeki s\u0131rada oturan k\u0131z\u0131n sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131nda hareket eden siyah bitler g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Ders boyunca o bitleri takip etmi\u015ftim. Muhtemelen herkesten sakl\u0131yordu ve bunu benden ba\u015fka kimse bilmiyordu. M\u00fcd\u00fcr \u00f6\u011frenirse sa\u00e7\u0131n\u0131 k\u00f6k\u00fcnden kaz\u0131rd\u0131. K\u0131z\u0131n ranzas\u0131na do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fcm. Saat hen\u00fcz \u00e7ok erken oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in yatakhanedeki herkes h\u00e2l\u00e2 uyuyordu. Yava\u015f\u00e7a uyand\u0131rd\u0131m onu. \u015ea\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131kla y\u00fcz\u00fcme bakt\u0131. Bitlerini istedi\u011fimi yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m k\u00e2\u011f\u0131d\u0131 uzatt\u0131m. \u0130zin verdi. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131ndaki bitleri ay\u0131klay\u0131p, \u015fi\u015felerime doldurdum, tekrar ranzam\u0131n alt\u0131na girdim. Sabah okul idaresi ayakland\u0131. M\u00fcd\u00fcr asabi davran\u0131\u015flar sergileyerek koridorlarda geziniyordu ama kimseyi sorgulamaya ihtiya\u00e7 duymam\u0131\u015flard\u0131, m\u00fcd\u00fcr benim yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 biliyordu. Disiplin kuruluna \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131ld\u0131m. \u0130ki \u00f6\u011fretmen ve m\u00fcd\u00fcrden olu\u015fan g\u00f6stermelik kurulun kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na ge\u00e7tim. M\u00fcd\u00fcr, kurulun tamam\u0131 ad\u0131na konu\u015fuyor, karar veriyor ve uyguluyordu. Bana bir \u015fey sormad\u0131. Y\u00fcz\u00fcme pis pis bakt\u0131. “Tuvaletin duvar\u0131na o yaz\u0131lar\u0131 kim yazm\u0131\u015fsa bulup polise verece\u011fim,” dedi. Odadan \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. \u0130kinci hafta yine yazd\u0131m. \u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc hafta tekrar, d\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc hafta tekrar… Her seferinde \u00fczerinden bir kat boyayla ge\u00e7iyorlard\u0131. M\u00fcd\u00fcr ispatlayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in bir \u015fey yapam\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Mehtap Ceyran, Mevsim Yas, Sel Yay\u0131nlar\u0131, 2018 [2017], 4. bas\u0131m, s. 196-7.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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