{"id":240,"date":"2017-09-02T22:50:47","date_gmt":"2017-09-02T19:50:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/?p=240"},"modified":"2017-09-02T22:52:32","modified_gmt":"2017-09-02T19:52:32","slug":"bernhard-olumsuzluk-uzerine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2017\/09\/02\/bernhard-olumsuzluk-uzerine\/","title":{"rendered":"Bernhard, \u00d6l\u00fcms\u00fczl\u00fck \u00dczerine"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"241\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2017\/09\/02\/bernhard-olumsuzluk-uzerine\/bitik-adam-thomas-bernhard\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/bitik-adam-thomas-bernhard.jpg?fit=385%2C600&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"385,600\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"bitik adam &amp;#8211; thomas bernhard\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/bitik-adam-thomas-bernhard.jpg?fit=385%2C600&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-241 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/bitik-adam-thomas-bernhard.jpg?resize=193%2C300\" alt=\"\" width=\"193\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/bitik-adam-thomas-bernhard.jpg?resize=193%2C300&amp;ssl=1 193w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/bitik-adam-thomas-bernhard.jpg?w=385&amp;ssl=1 385w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 193px) 100vw, 193px\" \/>&#8220;Stefan Kilisesi&#8217;nde \u00f6l\u00fcm yere d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceye kadar oturma iste\u011fi duymu\u015ftum, dedi. Ama ba\u015faramad\u0131m, bu iste\u011fe kar\u015f\u0131 duydu\u011fum derin yo\u011funlu\u011fa ra\u011fmen. Bunun daha da \u00f6tesine ge\u00e7ecek yo\u011funlu\u011fa olana\u011f\u0131m olmad\u0131, dedi, zaten isteklerimiz de ancak en y\u00fcksek yo\u011funlukla dilersek yerine gelir. \u00c7ocuklu\u011fundan beri \u00f6lme iste\u011fi duymu\u015f, hani denir ya, kendini \u00f6ld\u00fcrme iste\u011fi, ama hi\u00e7bir zaman bu konuda en y\u00fcksek yo\u011funlu\u011fu g\u00f6sterememi\u015f. Daha ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7tan beri, asl\u0131nda her \u015feyiyle ona i\u011fren\u00e7 gelen bir d\u00fcnyan\u0131n i\u00e7ine do\u011fmu\u015f olmakla ba\u015fa \u00e7\u0131kamam\u0131\u015f. B\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f ve bu \u00f6lme iste\u011finin birden yok olaca\u011f\u0131na inanm\u0131\u015f, ama en y\u00fcksek yo\u011funlu\u011fa gene de ula\u015famam\u0131\u015f, dedi. S\u00fcrekli merak\u0131m intihar\u0131m\u0131 engelliyordu, dedi, diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Babam\u0131z\u0131 bizi d\u00f6lledi\u011fi i\u00e7in, anam\u0131z\u0131 bizi do\u011furdu\u011fu i\u00e7in, k\u0131z karde\u015fimizi de s\u00fcrekli olarak mutsuzlu\u011fumuzun tan\u0131\u011f\u0131 oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in affetmeyiz. Var olmak umutsuzlu\u011fa d\u00fc\u015fmekten ba\u015fka bir de\u011fildir ki, dedi. Uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131mda i\u011frenerek d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum kendimi ve ba\u015f\u0131ma geleceklerin hepsi t\u00fcylerimi diken diken ediyor. Yatt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda \u00f6lmekten, bir daha uyanmamaktan ba\u015fka bir iste\u011fim olmuyor, ama sonra gene uyan\u0131yorum ve bu korkun\u00e7 s\u00fcre\u00e7 yineleniyor, yineleniyor sonu\u00e7ta elli y\u0131l boyunca, dedi. Elli y\u0131l boyunca \u00f6lmekten ba\u015fka bir \u015fey d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmedi\u011fimizi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnerek gene de ya\u015f\u0131yor olmam\u0131z ve bunu tamamen tutars\u0131z oldu\u011fumuz i\u00e7in de\u011fi\u015ftiremememiz, dedi. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc biz kendimiziz ac\u0131nacak olan, al\u00e7a\u011f\u0131n ta kendisiyiz. <em>M\u00fczik yetene\u011fi<\/em> yok! diye ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131, <em>var olma yetene\u011fi yok!<\/em> O kadar kendimizi be\u011fenmi\u015fiz ki, m\u00fczik e\u011fitimiyle olacak bu i\u015f san\u0131yoruz, oysa ya\u015fama yetene\u011fimiz bile yok, var olmay\u0131 bile beceremiyoruz, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc var olmuyoruz bile, var olunuyoruz! diye s\u00f6ylendi bir keresinde Wahringer Caddesi&#8217;nde halimiz kalmay\u0131ncaya kadar d\u00f6rt bu\u00e7uk saat Brigittenau&#8217;da dola\u015fmam\u0131zdan sonra. Eskiden gece yar\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 <em>Koralle<\/em>&#8216;de ge\u00e7irirdik, dedi, art\u0131k <em>Kolosseum<\/em>&#8216;a bile gitmiyoruz! dedi, <em>her \u015fey nas\u0131l da tamamen uygunsuzlu\u011fa do\u011fru de\u011fi\u015fti<\/em>. Bir dostumuz oldu\u011funu san\u0131yoruz, ama zamanla dostumuz olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyoruz, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc kesinlikle hi\u00e7 kimsemiz yok, ger\u00e7ek bu, dedi.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Thomas Bernhard, Bitik Adam, \u00e7ev. Sezer Duru, Yap\u0131 Kredi Yay\u0131nlar\u0131, 2016 [1983], 6. bas\u0131m, s. 36-7.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;Stefan Kilisesi&#8217;nde \u00f6l\u00fcm yere d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceye kadar oturma iste\u011fi duymu\u015ftum, dedi. Ama ba\u015faramad\u0131m, bu iste\u011fe kar\u015f\u0131 duydu\u011fum derin yo\u011funlu\u011fa ra\u011fmen. Bunun daha da \u00f6tesine ge\u00e7ecek yo\u011funlu\u011fa olana\u011f\u0131m olmad\u0131, dedi, zaten isteklerimiz de ancak en y\u00fcksek yo\u011funlukla dilersek yerine gelir. \u00c7ocuklu\u011fundan beri \u00f6lme iste\u011fi duymu\u015f, hani denir ya, kendini \u00f6ld\u00fcrme iste\u011fi, ama hi\u00e7bir zaman bu konuda en &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2017\/09\/02\/bernhard-olumsuzluk-uzerine\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Bernhard, \u00d6l\u00fcms\u00fczl\u00fck \u00dczerine<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[33,8],"tags":[57,55,56],"class_list":["post-240","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-alinti","category-roman","tag-bitik-adam","tag-glenn-gould","tag-thomas-bernhard"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9WYIs-3S","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2014,"url":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2018\/09\/02\/bernhard-dar-zamanlarda-kitaplar-ve-muzik\/","url_meta":{"origin":240,"position":0},"title":"Bernhard, Dar Zamanlarda Kitaplar ve M\u00fczik","author":"yalpertem","date":"2 September 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Bernhard'\u0131n sevdi\u011fim bir\u00e7ok \u015feyden yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 karma metin, yine tek sat\u0131r ba\u015fl\u0131. Kitab\u0131 sayfa a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 \u00e7iziyordum, bir\u00e7ok noktas\u0131 \u00fczerine konu\u015fabilmek, zaman ge\u00e7tikten sonra hat\u0131rlayabiliyor olmak, Bernhard-vari bir hayata bak\u0131\u015fla fiziksel sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 yitirmeden ya\u015fam\u0131 s\u00fcrd\u00fcrebilmek isterim. Fakat ben bu h\u0131nc\u0131 canl\u0131 tuttu\u011fumda cilt hastal\u0131klar\u0131m az\u0131yor ne yaz\u0131k ki. Ka\u015f\u0131nmayan bir Bernhard havarisi\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;al\u0131nt\u0131&quot;","block_context":{"text":"al\u0131nt\u0131","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/category\/alinti\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/thomas-bernhard-eski-ustalar.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1827,"url":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2018\/07\/01\/bernhard-gezinti-dostluk-ve-aptallik\/","url_meta":{"origin":240,"position":1},"title":"Bernhard, Gezinti, Dostluk ve Aptall\u0131k","author":"yalpertem","date":"1 July 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"\" Soka\u011fa gezintiye \u00e7\u0131kanlar,\" dedi Moro, \"anakronizmin en makul uygulay\u0131c\u0131lar\u0131, onlar gezintilerini yaparken, en akl\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131nda olmayanlar aras\u0131nda en akl\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131nda olanlar, ayn\u0131 zamanda en bedbahtlar aras\u0131nda en mutlu olanlard\u0131r, muhtemelen, sevgili Bay Robert, ama onlara en akl\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131nda olmayanlar aras\u0131nda en akl\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131nda olanlar, en bedbahtlar aras\u0131nda en mutlular\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;al\u0131nt\u0131&quot;","block_context":{"text":"al\u0131nt\u0131","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/category\/alinti\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/thomas-bernhard-ungenach-194x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6089,"url":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2023\/04\/22\/solstad-genc-armand-ve-arkadaslarinin-film-ve-kitaplari\/","url_meta":{"origin":240,"position":2},"title":"Solstad, Gen\u00e7 Armand ve arkada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131n film ve kitaplar\u0131","author":"yalpertem","date":"22 April 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00d6zel isimler, ki\u015filer ve mekanlar epeyce farkl\u0131 olmas\u0131na ra\u011fmen kendi \u00fcniversite deneyimime tuhaf yak\u0131nl\u0131klar buldum bu paragrafta. \u00dczerime o y\u0131llarda h\u00fccum eden aceleci, \u00e7ap\u0131ndan habersiz ve ba\u015far\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa mahkum bir bilme iste\u011fini hat\u0131rlad\u0131m. Antonioni, Ibsen, ve Kafka. Hoh. \"Ger\u00e7ekten de asl\u0131nda senin sand\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan \u00e7ok daha karma\u015f\u0131k bir \u015fey, dedi Armand haval\u0131\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;al\u0131nt\u0131&quot;","block_context":{"text":"al\u0131nt\u0131","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/category\/alinti\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/dag-solstad-armand-v-min-663x1024.jpeg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1359,"url":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2018\/05\/07\/bernhard-yurumek-sonsuz-oykunun-acilisi\/","url_meta":{"origin":240,"position":3},"title":"Bernhard, Y\u00fcr\u00fcmek (Sonsuz \u00d6yk\u00fcn\u00fcn A\u00e7\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131)","author":"yalpertem","date":"7 May 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Nadiren Thomas Bernhard \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fc veya roman\u0131 okumaya ba\u015fl\u0131yorum, k\u0131sa bir s\u00fcre i\u00e7inde, belki bir saat, belki birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn sonra, ne deh\u015fet verici, ne \u00e7ekilmez bir Thomas Bernhard kitab\u0131 bu diyorum. Kelimeler ve \u015feylerin bitmek bilmeyen tekrarlar\u0131, \u00f6tekinin s\u00f6yledi\u011fini an\u0131\u015flar\u0131, kendinden bir ba\u015fkas\u0131na ondan tekrar kendine d\u00f6nen s\u00f6z ve duygu iletmeleri,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;al\u0131nt\u0131&quot;","block_context":{"text":"al\u0131nt\u0131","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/category\/alinti\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/thomas-bernhard-y%C3%BCr%C3%BCmek-evet-min.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":913,"url":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2018\/01\/28\/ickinin-hayatimi-teslim-almasina-nasil-izin-verdim-william-leith-ceviri\/","url_meta":{"origin":240,"position":4},"title":"\u0130\u00e7kinin hayat\u0131m\u0131 teslim almas\u0131na nas\u0131l izin verdim \u2013 William Leith (\u00c7eviri)","author":"yalpertem","date":"28 January 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Guardian Long Reads\u2019in podcast\u2019inde dinledim, \u00e7evireyim dedim. \u00c7eviri bilgim yok o y\u00fczden yalan yanl\u0131\u015f c\u00fcmleler ve alt\u0131ndan kalk\u0131lamam\u0131\u015f ifadeler i\u00e7erebilir olduk\u00e7a kolay bir dili olmas\u0131na ra\u011fmen. \u0130zin de almad\u0131m tabi, izin al\u0131p \u00e7eviren olursa, k\u00fcfredebilir, kald\u0131r\u0131r\u0131m. 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Terasta kad\u0131n ve Franziska, iki sallanan sandalyede, iyice \u00f6rt\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f olarak yan yana oturmu\u015flar, kurumu\u015f noel a\u011fac\u0131n\u0131 k\u0131r\u0131p ate\u015f yakan \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 seyrediyorlard\u0131. Bir s\u00fcre sonra Franziska, \"Kap\u0131ya kadar gelip i\u00e7eri girememi\u015f olman\u0131 anl\u0131yorum\" dedi. \"Bazen ben de, sakin evimden \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p birileriyle bulu\u015fmaya giderken, kalabal\u0131k i\u00e7inde bulunmak istemedi\u011fim\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;al\u0131nt\u0131&quot;","block_context":{"text":"al\u0131nt\u0131","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/category\/alinti\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/solak-kadin-peter-handke-187x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/240","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=240"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/240\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=240"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=240"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=240"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}