{"id":2043,"date":"2018-09-24T23:46:24","date_gmt":"2018-09-24T20:46:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/?p=2043"},"modified":"2018-09-27T23:20:41","modified_gmt":"2018-09-27T20:20:41","slug":"kitaplar-arasindaki-defter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2018\/09\/24\/kitaplar-arasindaki-defter\/","title":{"rendered":"Kitaplar Aras\u0131ndaki Defter (I)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u00d6zg\u00fcven’in\u00a0Hep Yazmak \u0130steyenlerin Hikayeleri’nden esinle<\/em><\/p>\n

Birka\u00e7 ay \u00f6nce bo\u015f bir defter sat\u0131n ald\u0131m. Evde ba\u015fka bo\u015f defterler de var ama onlardan bahsetmeyece\u011fim. Zaten bu defter onlar gibi de\u011fil, tamamen bo\u015f. \u0130\u00e7inde hi\u00e7bir \u00e7izgi ya da kare, isim yazma alan\u0131, marka ad\u0131, ka\u00e7 yaprak oldu\u011fu bilgisi ya da -yine \u00e7izgilerden olu\u015fan bir- barkod yok. Kapak tasar\u0131m\u0131 yap\u0131lmam\u0131\u015f. B\u00f6yle defterlerin oldu\u011funu bilmiyordum, \u00e7izim yapanlar i\u00e7in oldu\u011funu s\u00f6yledi \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan. Ben resim yapm\u0131yorum ama yine de ald\u0131m. Bendeki, resimdeki defter de\u011fil elbette, onu okumay\u0131 kolayla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 ve ilgi \u00e7ekme ihtimali olan bir \u00f6\u011fe olarak yerle\u015ftirdim prolog k\u0131sm\u0131na, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc herkes yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 yaz\u0131lara b\u00f6yle kendi \u00fcretimi olmayan fakat resim arama becerilerini g\u00f6steren ekler yap\u0131yor. Sebald’\u0131n metin i\u00e7i foto\u011fraflar\u0131ndan \u00e7evrimi\u00e7i yaz\u0131lardaki stok imajlar\u0131na, Van Gogh’unkilerden Andy Warhol’un ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131na giden yolun ortas\u0131nda ne y\u00f6ne gitsem diye soruyorum kendime ve ba\u015fkalar\u0131na. Defter orada duruyor t\u00fcm eylem reddiyle.<\/p>\n

Eve gelip i\u015fsiz g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fcz tavana ve kom\u015fular\u0131n perde s\u00fcslemelerine bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m g\u00fcnler boyunca d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm, “ben bu defterle ne yapaca\u011f\u0131m” diye. Onu kendimden uzakta tuttum, yokmu\u015f gibi davrand\u0131m. Varl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan korktum da. Bir ifadesizlik alan\u0131 olarak yan\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131mda, kesik kesik fakat bir araya gelmi\u015f gri toz par\u00e7alar\u0131ndan olu\u015fan bardak alt\u0131 lekeleriyle dolu masada, sakince bekliyordu: hareketsiz ve kendini yaz\u0131lma fikrine dayatmadan.<\/p>\n

Bo\u015f bak\u0131\u015fmalar ve zoraki bir dostlu\u011fun hi\u00e7 yoktan birbirine mecburiyet ekseninde ye\u015fermesiyle, birlikte yapabileceklerimize dair niyetler kurgulamay\u0131 ba\u015fard\u0131m. Onunla konu\u015faca\u011f\u0131z, bir \u015feyler anlatmal\u0131y\u0131m, yaz\u0131yla, diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm diye demi\u015ftim bir sabah kendi kendime konu\u015furken. Belki sorular\u0131ma cevap verir, kalemin bedenine s\u00fcrt\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f\u00fcne tepki g\u00f6sterir diye umdum. Birer bira ald\u0131m ikimize,\u00a0sevdi\u011fim bir konser kayd\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131m dinleyelim diye, oturduk. O masaya, ben koltu\u011fa. Defter bana, ben ona bak\u0131yorum. O tepkisiz, s\u00f6zs\u00fcz, g\u00f6stergesiz; ben heyecanl\u0131, beklenti dolu, tedirginim.<\/p>\n

O ak\u015fam saatlerce yazmad\u0131m. Saatlerce oturduk, ben d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm de hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yazmay\u0131 ba\u015faramad\u0131m. Ben d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrken o duyuyor, sayfaya bir kalemle dokunmaya yeltendi\u011fim anlarda beni o an\u0131n do\u011fru an olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131na ikna etmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu. O gece, i\u00e7imden ge\u00e7en say\u0131s\u0131z d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceyi tarad\u0131m, evirip \u00e7evirdim, s\u00fcslemeyi veya sadele\u015ftirmeyi denedim. Hi\u00e7birini deftere ge\u00e7iremedim. Defter a\u011f\u0131rla\u015ft\u0131, b\u00fct\u00fcn bedeni bir anda kur\u015funa kesiverdi. Ku\u015fe ka\u011f\u0131da bas\u0131l\u0131 klasikler ya da sosyetik dergiler gibi bir vaziyet ald\u0131. Fazla \u00fcst\u00fcne gitti\u011fimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnerek bo\u015f defteri elime ald\u0131m, \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m yerlerde g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm s\u00fcrekli de\u011fi\u015ftirilen damacanalar gibi bir a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011fa ula\u015ft\u0131. Suyu hi\u00e7 bitmeyen, ama i\u00e7inde asl\u0131nda hi\u00e7 su olmayan mistik bir bidon gibi a\u011f\u0131rla\u015ft\u0131. Sayfalar\u0131n\u0131 biraz \u00e7evirdikten sonra kapal\u0131 h\u00e2lde, \u00f6n kapa\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne, arka kapa\u011f\u0131 yerk\u00fcrenin \u00e7ekirde\u011fine gelecek \u015fekilde komodinin \u00fczerine yerle\u015ftirdim. Sakinle\u015fti, kuruldu k\u00f6\u015fesine. Huysuz bir kedinin mimiklerini ta\u015f\u0131yordu. Toplumsal-tarihsel olarak d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fen, de\u011fi\u015fen defter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00d6zg\u00fcven’in\u00a0Hep Yazmak \u0130steyenlerin Hikayeleri’nden esinle Birka\u00e7 ay \u00f6nce bo\u015f bir defter sat\u0131n ald\u0131m. Evde ba\u015fka bo\u015f defterler de var ama onlardan bahsetmeyece\u011fim. Zaten bu defter onlar gibi de\u011fil, tamamen bo\u015f. \u0130\u00e7inde hi\u00e7bir \u00e7izgi ya da kare, isim yazma alan\u0131, marka ad\u0131, ka\u00e7 yaprak oldu\u011fu bilgisi ya da -yine \u00e7izgilerden olu\u015fan bir- barkod yok. Kapak tasar\u0131m\u0131 … Continue reading Kitaplar Aras\u0131ndaki Defter (I)<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2043","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-denemetin"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9WYIs-wX","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1557,"url":"https:\/\/yalpertem.com\/blog\/2018\/05\/18\/defter-dergisi-son\/","url_meta":{"origin":2043,"position":0},"title":"Defter Dergisi, Son","author":"yalpertem","date":"18 May 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"\" Bu say\u0131 Defter'in son say\u0131s\u0131. 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