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<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
”<\/p>\n
Ben bir g\u00f6zlemciyim, uluslararas\u0131 bir g\u00f6zlemci.<\/p>\n
Gece uyurken bile g\u00f6zlemcilik g\u00f6revimi elden b\u0131rakmam.<\/p>\n
Gazinoda oturanlar, i\u015fportac\u0131lar, memurlar, m\u00fcd\u00fcrler, sat\u0131nalma kurulu \u00fcyeleri, \u015fof\u00f6rler, karaborsac\u0131lar, \u00f6nemli derneklerin genelyazmanlar\u0131, orospular, h\u0131rs\u0131zlar, ayd\u0131nlar hep benim g\u00f6zetimim alt\u0131ndad\u0131r.<\/p>\n
Ben, bu g\u00f6zlemcili\u011fe, \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m T\u00fct\u00fcn Yaprakevi’nin deposunda al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.<\/p>\n
\u0130\u015fimin, g\u00fcn\u00fcn yirmi d\u00f6rt saatinde etraf\u0131 kola\u00e7an etmek olmas\u0131 beni, ister istemez, kimi ger\u00e7eklere varma\u011fa, ger\u00e7eklerin \u00f6teki yanlar\u0131n\u0131, \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc yan\u0131n\u0131, d\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc yan\u0131n\u0131, be\u015finci, on be\u015finci, otuz be\u015finci yan\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rme\u011fe g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcyordu.<\/p>\n
Benim bu g\u00f6revimi \u00e7oklar\u0131 anlamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r.<\/p>\n
G\u00f6zlem g\u00fcc\u00fcm\u00fc depodaki i\u015flere a\u00e7\u0131k tutu\u015fumun, t\u00fct\u00fcnlerin havaland\u0131rmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini \u015feflerime haber veri\u015fimin \u00f6zel bir anlam\u0131 oldu\u011funa kulak asmayanlar:<\/p>\n
\u2014 Ulan, \u015funa a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a bek\u00e7iyim desene, diye bana \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015flard\u0131r.<\/p>\n
Kimileri daha da ileri gitti:<\/p>\n
\u2014 Sen bir g\u00f6zlemci isen bizim dostumuz de\u011filsin. Dost, hi\u00e7bir arka d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi olm\u0131yan [sic] ki\u015fidir.<\/p>\n
Bana i\u00e7erliyenlerin yan\u0131ld\u0131klar\u0131 nokta buras\u0131d\u0131r san\u0131r\u0131m.<\/p>\n
G\u00f6zlemcili\u011fin arka d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceyle hi\u00e7 mi hi\u00e7 ilgisi yoktur. G\u00f6zlemcilikte b\u00fct\u00fcn d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler \u00f6ndedir. Vitrindedirler. Bunlar\u0131 istedi\u011finiz zaman avucunuza alabilir, istedi\u011finiz bi\u00e7imde b\u0131\u00e7a\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 y\u00fcre\u011fine saplayabilirsiniz.<\/p>\n
Hem ne var, bir\u00e7oklar\u0131 bu arka d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceyi g\u00f6zlemci olmadan ta\u015f\u0131yorlar.<\/p>\n
Bence, insanlar\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcn eksikli\u011fi g\u00f6zlemcili\u011fe el uzatmalar\u0131ndan geliyor. \u0130nsanlar\u0131n hepsi g\u00f6zlemci oldu\u011fu yada t\u00fct\u00fcn depolar\u0131na bek\u00e7i yaz\u0131ld\u0131klar\u0131 g\u00fcn bu d\u00fcnyan\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fc renk de\u011fi\u015ftirecektir.<\/p>\n
Durun, hemen de g\u00fclmeye kalkmay\u0131n, otuz y\u0131l t\u00fct\u00fcn depolar\u0131nda g\u00f6zlemde bulunmu\u015f bir profes\u00f6r\u00fcn verece\u011fi felsefe dersi ile kitaplar aras\u0131nda bunalm\u0131\u015f bir profes\u00f6r\u00fcn verece\u011fi ders aras\u0131nda b\u00fcy\u00fck ayr\u0131l\u0131klar vard\u0131r.<\/p>\n
Ger\u00e7i, bir kitap kurdunun bildi\u011fi \u015feyleri kimselerin bilebilmesine olanak yoktur ama, \u00fczerine t\u00fct\u00fcn, deri yada bu\u011fday kokusu sinmi\u015f bir ki\u015finin s\u00f6yleyece\u011fi s\u00f6z\u00fc de hi\u00e7bir bilge, hi\u00e7bir filozof s\u00f6yleyemez.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Kimileri de bana ac\u0131yordu:<\/p>\n
\u2014 Bir k\u0131y\u0131ya \u00e7ekilip insanlar\u0131n nas\u0131l y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fcklerini, nas\u0131l yemek yediklerini, nas\u0131l \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131 okula g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcklerini, nas\u0131l kendilerini sekiz katl\u0131 apartmanlardan a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 att\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131, nas\u0131l otomobil sat\u0131nald\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 seyredece\u011fine, at\u0131l, \u00e7al\u0131\u015f, kendini g\u00f6ster, zenginliklerini ortaya koy!<\/p>\n
Ben, bu gibilerin s\u00f6zlerine bana m\u0131s\u0131n demiyordum.<\/p>\n
Benim g\u00f6zlemcili\u011fim \u00e7orap gibi istenildi\u011fi zaman \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131l\u0131\u011f karyolan\u0131n alt\u0131na f\u0131rlat\u0131lacak \u015feylerden de\u011fildi. \u0130nsan, kolundan, baca\u011f\u0131ndan nas\u0131l ge\u00e7emezse, ben de g\u00f6zlemcili\u011fimden silkinemiyordum.<\/p>\n
Hem, “kendini g\u00f6ster” s\u00f6z\u00fc de \u00f6yle sa\u011flam temele oturtulmu\u015f deyi\u015flerden say\u0131lamazd\u0131. T\u00fct\u00fcn deposunda i\u015fler \u00f6ylesine d\u00fczenlenmi\u015fti ki, ben, 5000 mumluk elektrik amp\u00fcl\u00fc alt\u0131nda dursam bile kimseler beni g\u00f6remezdi.<\/p>\n
Do\u011frusu ya, ben, istiften a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 yuvarlanm\u0131\u015f bir t\u00fct\u00fcn yapra\u011f\u0131n\u0131 al\u0131p yerine koyar, vazistaslardan i\u00e7eri giren havan\u0131n nemini \u00f6l\u00e7mek i\u00e7in elimin ve y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fcn derisini havay\u0131 dinlemeye b\u0131rak\u0131rken kendimi yeter derecede g\u00f6sterdi\u011fime inan\u0131yordum.<\/p>\n
Bunu, ensemi ka\u015f\u0131r, cigara i\u00e7er, dahas\u0131, ba\u011f\u0131\u015flay\u0131n ayakyoluna giderken bile belli etti\u011fimi san\u0131r\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Nedir, benim g\u00f6zlemcili\u011fime sinirlenen b\u00fcy\u00fcklerim bende di\u015fe gelir bir y\u00f6n bulam\u0131yorlard\u0131 da, pazara s\u00fcr\u00fclecek hi\u00e7bir mal\u0131 olmayan asans\u00f6rc\u00fc \u0130smail’e zeki, \u00e7al\u0131\u015fkan, anlay\u0131\u015fl\u0131, d\u00fcnya g\u00fczelliklerine a\u00e7\u0131k bir ki\u015fi g\u00f6z\u00fcyle bak\u0131yorlard\u0131.<\/p>\n
\u0130smail’in \u00e7al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131na ben de kal\u0131b\u0131m\u0131 basar\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Bir asans\u00f6rc\u00fcn\u00fcn \u00e7al\u0131\u015fkan olmaktan ba\u015fka yapabilece\u011fi bir \u015fey yoktur. Ama zeki, anlay\u0131\u015fl\u0131 s\u00f6zlerinin \u0130smail’le bir al\u0131\u015f veri\u015fi olabilece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnemiyordum.<\/p>\n
Zaten, uza\u011fa gitmeyin, \u015fu d\u00fcnyada ka\u00e7 ki\u015fi belli bir zek\u00e2ya ula\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r? Ka\u00e7 ki\u015fi anlay\u0131\u015fl\u0131d\u0131r? Ka\u00e7 ki\u015fi d\u00fcnya g\u00fczelliklerine a\u00e7\u0131kt\u0131r?<\/p>\n
\u0130smail’i kesseler, bir damla kan\u0131 akmazd\u0131.<\/p>\n
Bunu biliyordum.<\/p>\n
Ama bunu, sadece ben biliyordum.<\/p>\n
\u00d6tekiler, t\u00fct\u00fcn i\u015f\u00e7ileri, memurlar, \u015fefler, patron, patronun kar\u0131s\u0131, \u00f6yle ya patronun kar\u0131s\u0131, \u0130smail’in \u00e7al\u0131\u015fkan bir dolap beygirinden ba\u015fka bir \u015fey olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesini g\u00fcl\u00fcn\u00e7 buluyorlard\u0131.<\/p>\n
Ho\u015f, ilk zamanlar, bunu pek belli etmediler. Ama, sonradan, bir yaz g\u00fcn\u00fc, patronun kar\u0131s\u0131, kendi gibi yar\u0131 giyinik \u00fc\u00e7 bayanla depoyu gezme\u011fe geldikleri vakit i\u015fler kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n
Patronun kar\u0131s\u0131 \u00f6nde y\u00fcr\u00fcyor, yan\u0131ndakilere \u00e7ok \u015feyler bildi\u011fini yada kocas\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7ok \u00f6nemli bir i\u015fi oldu\u011funu anlatmak i\u00e7in ellerini, kollar\u0131n\u0131 sallayarak a\u00e7\u0131klamalarda bulunuyordu.<\/p>\n
Kad\u0131nlar da ona gere\u011fince sayg\u0131 g\u00f6steriyormu\u015f gibi davran\u0131yorlar, s\u00fcsl\u00fc bayanlara \u00f6zg\u00fc dinleme y\u00f6ntemlerine uyarak, hareket etmekten kapanan g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcslerini, s\u0131k s\u0131k eski durumlar\u0131na getiriyorlard\u0131.<\/p>\n
B\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar iyiydi.<\/p>\n
Patronun kar\u0131s\u0131 konuklar\u0131yla, benim \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m depoyu gezip de \u00f6teki katlardaki depolar\u0131 da g\u00f6rmek i\u00e7in asans\u00f6re yakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 vakte kadar da bu kad\u0131nca d\u00fczen s\u00fcrgit oldu.<\/p>\n
Ama patronun kar\u0131s\u0131 asans\u00f6r\u00fcn d\u00fc\u011fmesine bas\u0131p, gerekli zaman sonunda, asans\u00f6r\u00fcn gelmedi\u011fini g\u00f6r\u00fcnce bana d\u00f6nd\u00fc:<\/p>\n
\u2014 Bu asans\u00f6re de ne oldu, \u0131\u015f\u0131k yand\u0131\u011f\u0131 halde gelmiyor?
\n\u2014 \u00d6yle kat\u0131rlar\u0131 asans\u00f6rde \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131rlarsa b\u00f6yle olur.<\/p>\n
Aman\u0131n, ortal\u0131k o an buland\u0131.<\/p>\n
Sa\u011fdan sola, \u00f6nden arkaya do\u011fru havay\u0131 bo\u015flukta tutan binlerce, milyarlarca iplik de bir saniyede kopuverdi.<\/p>\n
\u2014 O da ne demek?<\/p>\n
”<\/p>\n
Sal\u00e2h Birsel, D\u00f6rt K\u00f6\u015feli \u00dc\u00e7gen, Ada Yay\u0131nlar\u0131, 1980 [1961], 2. bas\u0131m, s. 7-10.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"